Entering The Strata-osphere

Yeah, I know. I really need to work on my titles. But that was the best I could come up with for today.

With that title as a hint, I bet you can’t guess what the recipe is! Can ya, can ya can ya!!? It’sssssssss

LIVER!!

Ok, so unless you’ve never read my blog before, you’re not falling for that one.

I made a strata. Gee, the title kind of ruined the anticipation of what I made didn’t it? Maybe I should start having really misleading titles and to see what I made, you have to click on a link or something.

Nah. Way too much work and we all know I try to avoid that if possible.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know about my love/hate relationship with bread pudding and the like. I absolutely LOVE it when I find or create a good one like my Pineapple Upside Down Bread Pudding or the
French Onion Bread Pudding I posted. But by the same token, I HATE them when they are dry, not creamy, boring and dull like the old time ones that were a bunch of stale white bread and a handful of raisins mixed with milk. Can we say “ick”?

Stratas are, in my mind, simply another version of bread pudding thus if it is good, I’m in love. And the one I created tonight was good. I had had a recipe picked out in a cookbook for one I wanted to try but for the life of me, I couldn’t find the recipe. Out of my 500000 cookbooks, I have no idea whatsoever what cookbook it was in. But I was determined to make a strata so I improvised. And it worked. Quite well actually. It is creamy with lots of meat and cheese and would make a perfect dish for an easy meal or to serve on a buffet or Christmas morning breakfast. It has a bit of spice but not overly so if you are one of those strange spice averse people you can still eat it. πŸ˜›

This feeds a lot of people… or two teen boys and my husband.

Cheesy Cajun Bacon And Andouille Strata

  • 5 hoagie buns, cubed (you could use Italian bread I’m sure but I had hoagie buns I needed to use thus this says hoagie buns πŸ˜› )
  • 12 eggs
  • 2 1/4 cups milk
  • 3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
  • 1 14 to 16 ounce package smoked Andouille style sausage, sliced (I used Johnsonville brand)
  • 1 pound bacon, cooked until crisp and crumbled
  • 5 green onions, sliced thin
  • 1/2 cup chopped green pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1 teaspoon seasoned salt (I used “Janes Crazy Mixed Up Salt” cause I love that stuff)
  • 1 teaspoon salt free Cajun seasoning (only use if it’s salt free or between the seasoning salt and the meats, the end result will be over salted)
  • 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 2 quart (preferably glass) baking dish.
  2. In a  frying pan, saute your sausage and green peppers until the sausage is lightly browned and the peppers are tender.
  3.  Set the sausage aside to cool.
  4. In a large bowl, beat the eggs. Add the milk and beat until blended.
  5. Mix in the rest of the ingredients.
  6. Let sit for about ten minutes to give the bread time to soak up the liquid.
  7. Pour into the prepared baking dish and drizzle with the melted butter
  8. Bake at 350 for about 45 minutes or until set in the middle (check with a butter knife or skewer. It shouldn’t come out with any loose dripping mixture on it.) and nicely browned.
  9. Let rest for about 5 minutes before cutting.

 

Dip Because I’m A Dip

 

 

Hard to take a decent picture of dip. I mean, it's DIP... πŸ˜›

When I was a kid, people who were ditzy were called dips or dippy. I have no idea if that was a regional thing or just that the people I knew were strange. Please don’t answer that. But suffice it to say that I fell squarely into the dippy category.

Thus the title of this post. I mean, this dip has chicken, cheese, bacon and green onions in it too but titling this “Dip for the chicken” or “dip for the bacon” just didn’t make much sense to me. I can be a bit chicken at times (like when eating liver is involved) but I am not related to pork products in any way. Hmmm, I’ve been known to be piggy. As for cheese, we all know I can be cheesy but “Dip for the cheese” just sounds stupid.

Fine, I admit it!! I couldn’t think of a good post title and this is all just a coverup to make it sound planned! It was “Dip-Gate”! A vast right wing conspiracy!! Erhmmmm, sorry, I think I was channeling Hilary Clinton. *Shudders* Now THERE’S a frightening thought.

Sigh. I really need to get out more.

Moving on.

Still have a couple of big holidays coming up. You may have heard of them. And they tend to be big eating holidays too. Not like Columbus Day… or Groundhog Day. Personally, I don’t go overboard on yummy foods for those two.

In my family, it has become a tradition to have our big meal on Christmas Eve. It has also become a tradition that the meal is mainly appetizers and finger foods. Mind you, with my kids and hubby that still means enough food to feed a small country but still… appetizers.

One of the things we all enjoy is dips. Not so much the ubiquitous kinds like cold french onion dip with chips (I save that for maybe a twice a year craving and TV) but more substantial ones. Preferably with meat. Lots of meat. Or cheese. Lots of cheese. Or even better, with both.

You’ve all probably heard of Buffalo Chicken Dip by now, even if you haven’t tried it. Hot cheesy dip that is SUPPOSED to taste like buffalo wings. Too often however, tasty as it is, it bears no resemblance to wings. With that in mind, I had no qualms keeping the same basic idea and taking it even farther down the path away from “Wingdom”. Ha!! You thought I was going to say that I had created one that tasted exactly like a scoopable buffalo wing. Admit it… you did, you did you did..

Oh heck no. As much as I love wings, I kinda like that the dips aren’t perfectly like them. But being me, as usual, I couldn’t leave well enough alone. So try MY version of Buffalo Chicken Dip. Hot, gooey, cheesy, chickeny (yes, that is now a word) bacony (hey; spell check didn’t say anything. I guess bacony really IS a word!), oniony (damn; not a word. Stoopid spell check.) and oh so yummy with tostitos or celery (if you’re feeling strangely healthful which is a waste of time with this dip) or off of your fingers. You may want to let it cool before you try that last one though. Just sayin’. I will not be held liable for burned fingertips :-p

Newly Revised Deluxe Version Of Buffalo Chicken Dip

  • 2 10 ounce cans chicken, well drained
  • 1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
  • 1/2 cup ranch dressing or blue cheese dressing
  • 1/2 to 3/4 (if you’re brave) cup hot sauce (I use Franks Red Hot)
  • 1 3 ounce package bacon bits (yes, you could make your own bacon but this is meant to be easy, not work)
  • 3 cups cheddar cheese
  • 1/4 cup blue cheese (I’d put more if I could but no one else in the family likes blue cheese, the boogerheads)
  • 3 green onions, thinly sliced
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. In a medium bowl, beat together the cream cheese, hot sauce and dressing.
  3. Stir in the chicken, breaking up any large chunks (but don’t mush the crap out of it; leave some pieces), the bacon, the green onions and 2 cups of the cheddar cheese.
  4. Spoon into a lightly greased 2 quart baking dish or 9 inch pie plate.
  5. Top with the rest of the cheddar cheese, the blue cheese (and some extra green onions if you want)
  6. Bake at 350 until lightly browned around the edges and bubbly, about 20 minutes.
  7. Serve with veggies of tostitos or fingertips.

Me?? Make something the “Normal” Way?!

Bite your tongue! You should know better than that. If there is any way to mess up change a perfectly good recipe, I’m the woman to do it. Hmmm, coming from a food blogger, that doesn’t sound too great now does it? Let me rephrase that to put myself in a much better light shall I? If a recipe has certain inherent flaws or shortcomings, or possibly could be adjusted by adding alternate flavors or adding more layers of flavor, I am the woman who will screw up attempt it and be seen later banging my head off of a table when it fails make a roaring success of it.

So were you impressed there?? Huh huh huh? Did I use big words and sound frighteningly wonderful?! Whadda ya mean I just sounded frightening!? I’m hurt! Nay, wounded to my very core! Nay, devastated. Nay, rambling as usual!

Fine, I’ll stop now.

Living in the south, I kinda love cornbread. If you don’t, they kick you out and make you live somewhere like Siberia (prays I have no readers in Siberia cause I just spent five minutes thinking of places one wouldn’t want to live and then changing them so as to not offend anyone living there πŸ˜› ). You also have to love sweet tea (lack of that love is why they made my native Kentuckian daughter in law move) and Paula Deen (don’t tell anyone, but while I love her recipes, but she annoys the poo out of me with her use of “Y’all” fourteen times in each and every sentence). I wrote a post back when I first started the blog about the differences between Yankee cornbread and Southern cornbread. But this post isn’t about either of them. It’s about MANLY CORNBREAD! Please make sure you say that with a sneer on your face and while swaggering across the room adjusting your crotch. And in reality, I didn’t do much changing to the original recipe. My point was just that I seem to be incapable of making things that are “normal”. Nope; have to hunt down and make the unusual ones. And as cornbread goes, this fits that criteria. It’s from Emeril Lagesse. The only thing I changed was to not use cayenne pepper because while I love spicy foods, I thought that that as well as the jalapenos may be too much for my kids. Plus, I added a good amount more cheese and threw some green onions in there too. I mean… cheese, bacon, peppers… it was just crying out for green onions.

So go get out your cast iron pan (please tell me you have one. If not, time to buy one.) and your cornmeal and get to cooking. And Kim go get me a COKE while you’re cooking, wench! πŸ˜€ And for YOU
Ann there is no cinnamon in my recipe today so you can make it hehehehe πŸ˜›

This is wonderful cornbread. Crispy and hot and stuffed full of a creamy corn and bacon mix. It has just the right amount of spice and flavor. Enjoy! As my dad would have said “Eat it! You’ll grow hair on your chest!”

Emerils Manly Man Stuffed Corbread

  • 1 pound bacon, chopped (his called for a half a pound… what can I say? I HAD to have some sitting there for noshing on didn’t I? It’s like…the law!)
  • 1 1/2 cups fresh corn kernels (I used frozen & it worked fine)
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt, plus 1/2 teaspoon
  • 2 teaspoons unsalted butter
  • 3 tablespoons water
  • 1 1/2 cups yellow cornmeal
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon cayenne (again; I didn’t use this)
  • 2 eggs, lightly beaten
  • 1 1/2 cups buttermilk
  • 3 tablespoons melted unsalted butter
  • 2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped
  • 2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese
  • 1/2 cup chopped green onions
  1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
  2. Place a 10-inch cast iron skillet in the oven to get hot.
  3. In a large pan, fry the bacon over medium-high heat until brown, about 6 minutes. Remove and drain on paper towels
  4. Drain all the fat but 2 teaspoons. Return to medium-high heat and add the corn to the pan. Cook, stirring, until golden and tender, about 5 minutes.
  5. Add the cream, butter, 1/4 teaspoon salt and water and cook until thick and creamy, about 10 minutes.  Do NOT do as I did and walk away and come back just in time to prevent it from overflowing all over your stove top. Ummm… oops?
  6. Remove from the heat and mash with a potato masher, spoon, your husbands electric razor… to crush some of the corn. Let cool.
  7. In a large bowl, combine the cornmeal, flour, baking powder, baking soda, remaining salt, and cayenne (if using). Stir to combine.
  8. In a separate bowl, combine the eggs, buttermilk, and 2 tablespoons of the melted butter.
  9. Add the buttermilk mixture to the dry ingredients and mix well.
  10. In a separate bowl, combine the cooled creamed corn, bacon, jalapenos, and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese, and mix well.Remove the skillet from the oven and add the remaining tablespoon of melted butter, tilting the skillet to coat the bottom and sides.
  11. Pour half of the batter into the bottom of the skillet. Top with the corn-cheese mixture, then top with the remaining half of the batter.
  12. Bake until golden brown and set, about 30 minutes.Remove from the oven and sprinkle with the remaining 1/2 cup of cheese.

 

Is It Tomorrow Yet? Also, Savory Gooey Onion, Cheese & Sausage Bread Pudding

Have you ever had one of those days you just wish hadn’t happened? Not a wish to start it over, but a wish that it just disappeared and never repeated itself.

Yeah. me too. Today was such a day.

I’m sure some of you have read me talking about (writing about?) my kids. I have six children, five boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 on down to 3. I also have 5 grandchildren. As I’ve said before, I started having kids at age six… honest. πŸ˜€

One of my kids more frequently mentioned, if not here, on my FB page, is my son Jordan. Jordan is sixteen but is always going to be my baby. He is the sweetest boy you could ever know. But he is also Autistic, mildly intellectually challenged, has a severe case of ADHD, some OCD, and other things falling into the emotional/mental disabilities spectrum. He has the emotional and intellectual abilities of about an 8 year old. He is sweet, funny, loving & enjoys helping people. He loves to work with tools though that can end up with broken gadgets and bikes and what have you lol. He loves to “invent” things cooking but rarely does anything of it turn out to be edible. Heck, we all know what THAT’S like though huh? πŸ˜€ He loves our cats and adores his siblings. He worries about me and wants to take care of me forever.

He also can get overwhelmed when stressed out, discouraged, angry or pushed too hard. He doesn’t like rules and will rebel if he thinks that one is unfair. He wishes he could do everything but frequently tells me that he feels like he can’t do anything right, is stupid and doesn’t fit in anywhere. Those are the days that I feel my heart crack into little pieces. When he is upset and something (usually chaos or being pushed too hard) triggers him, he can also become violent and aggressive. Not in the bullying sort of way. When he is aware of himself and his surrounding, he wouldn’t hurt a flea and has been known to carry flies outside so that they wouldn’t die. But when he gets upset, he is no longer cognizant of how he is acting. he is pure adrenaline. Today was one of those bad days. He has been doing poorly in school, in part, in my opinion, because they are expecting too much academically from him. He is a sophomore who should have extreme modifications in his work but doesn’t. So when he feels like a failure, he doesn’t try and acts up to get out of working.

Today, something happened that made him lose control. From what I have been told, he sat in the wrong chair in class and rather than say the obvious “oh well, what does it matter? and let him sit there (it was a chair for petes sake!), it was turned into a control issue by the teacher and others were brought in to “help”. It ended with him being restrained (way bad move with an autistic child who doesn’t like being touched other than to be hugged), his biting and spitting on a teacher (again; think young child and temper tantrum) and him being suspended. Now, I agree with the suspension. He can’t be allowed to do that and there have to be consequences. But it didn’t end there. The school is pressing charges of assault against my 16 year old Autistic, mildly retarded, IQ of around 75 boy.

I want someone to explain to me what they think will happen to an extremely vulnerable mentally challenged boy in jail or juvenile detention. He isn’t the type to be able to fend off someone who wanted to hurt him or do other things to him. He would cry, he would beg for me to help him though I wouldn’t be there, he would fight as well as he could but ultimately he would lose. The problems he has also have led to poorer than usual muscle tone and strength. But they want him in jail. They want to take him and put him with men or boys who have REALLY committed assault, have raped, have committed armed robbery, have done drugs, abused parents or siblings and God knows what else.

I want this day to disappear. I want to hug my children and hide them in a cave so no one can ever harm them. I want him to be whole.

There is no subtle way to lead into a recipe today so I won’t try. I’ll just post it.

As Scarlett O Hara said, “After all, tomorrow IS another day”. Dear God, I hope so.

Savory, Onion, Swiss & Sausage Bread Pudding

  1. 10 tablespoons unsalted butter
  2. 1 tablespoons vegetable oil
  3. 9 cups thinly sliced onions (about 4 to 5 onions depending on size)
  4. 1 large shallot, finely chopped
  5. 2 teaspoons finely chopped garlic
  6. 1/3 cup dry red or white wine (I prefer to use a Cabernet  in this)
  7. 1 loaf (about 12 ounces) French or Italian bread, cubed (I use the garlic/Parmesan loaf that many stores carry in their bakery section.)
  8. 4 cups shredded Swiss cheese
  9. 1 cup grated fresh (not the dry nasty kind) Parmesan cheese
  10. 1 10 ounce package Tyson Italian Sausage Crumbles (or just use regular Italian sausage that you have cooked and crumbled)
  11. 4 eggs
  12. 2 cups heavy cream or a mix of cream and half & half
  13. 1 cup whole milk (you could try this with low fat milk and even use that instead of the cream too, but this isn’t supposed to be a diet dish lol)
  14. 1 teaspoon salt
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  • Melt 5 tablespoons butter with the oil in a large pan. Add in the sliced onions and the shallots. Cover and cook over low heat until the onions are tender and limp.
  • Uncover, turn heat to medium and cook the onions until golden brown and nicely caramelized. About five minutes before they look done, add in the garlic. Stir well and continue cooking.
  • When browned and cooked, pour in the wine. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until the liquid is gone.
  • Butter a 13×9 inch baking dish, preferably a glass one.
  • In a large bowl, combine the bread, sausage and the onions.
  • Melt the last 5 tablespoons of butter and pour it over the bread mixture.
  • Add the cheeses.
  • In a small bowl, mix the cream, milk, salt and eggs.
  • Pour the egg mixture over the bread and mix well. Stir this well for about 2 to 3 minutes to make sure all the bread has a chance to start soaking up the cream mixture
  • Pour mixture into the prepared pan and bake at 350 until it is golden brown and cooked through, about 50 to 60 minutes. To check doneness, poke a butter knife into the middle. If it comes out wet or dripping, it’s not done. It should be the consistency of a cooked cheesecake. Firm and yet still creamy.
  • Let cool for about ten minute before you cut this.
  • This is an awesome side dish for a company dinner or a great light meal with a salad for the family. It’s also great for a weekend breakfast. It’s gooey, crispy at the edges because of all the butter used in it and cheesy and oniony and oh my, it’s SO good. One of my favorite side dishes in fact.

It’s Panini Doody Time, It’s Panini Doody Time (Again)

Ok, so that doesn’t fit well with the old Howdy Doody theme song does it? But I get credit for trying right?? Right? Cause I’m adorable and all that kind of stuff.

I think it has been noticed by now that I like paninis. I even like the word. It’s fun to say :-P. Not as fun however as Machu Pichu, Beijing and Monkey which are my favorite words.

Why are you all looking at me that way? I’m perfectly normal. Honest. Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey. *giggle snorts*

Ummm, yeah. I like paninis. What’s weird is that I don’t really care for cold sandwiches. I like the IDEA of them but the reality never seems to measure up. The best part always ends up being the tomato and the mayo. I guess I just don’t like lunch meats much and they are the typical ingredient on sandwiches. I like REAL meat, not something that was formed from chicken lips, cow brains, piggy paws and llama testicles and then soaked in 352 pints of a salt brine. Yes, you can now thank me for helping you to never look at your lunch meat quite the same way.

So when I make a panini, unless I am in a really weird mood and needing a quick sodium lift, I use real meats… real ingredients in general. Tonight I had some duck left over from one I made the other night. I wanted to use it for something a little different and a panini sprang to mind. So duck it was. But can I leave well enough alone?? HA! Come on now, you all know me better than that! So I added Sopressata Italian salami, Havarti and Asiago cheeses and then topped it all off with a quickly put together mango-apricot chutney I spiced up with ginger and red pepper flakes.

This was delicious! You have the rich taste of the somewhat fatty duck, the saltiness of the asiago and the Sopressata, the creaminess of the Havarti, the crispy bread and the sweet spice of the chutney all combined into a major taste explosion. It tastes like something that would cost you ten dollars at a restaurant but is nowhere near that price to make at home. So if you want a decadent treat in sandwich form, give this a try. I think you’ll like it. πŸ™‚ You’ll have leftover chutney. Just put it in a covered container and store in the fridge

Duck, Sopressata, Asiago & Havarti Panini

With Spicy Mango Apricot Chutney

  • 8 ounces sliced cooked duck
  • 4 thin slices Sopressata salami
  • 2 slices asiago cheese
  • 2 slices Havarti cheese
  • 1 jar major grey chutney
  • 1 cup apricot preserves
  • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
  • 4 slices good bread (I used Pepperidge Farms Potato bread)
  1. In a small pot, combine the chutney, preserves, ginger and red pepper flakes. Stir to combine and heat over medium heat until bubbly while you make the sandwich. Turn the chutney off when it is heated so it doesn’t stick to the bottom of the pan.
  2. Preheat your panini press.
  3. Layer all of your ingredients except the chutney on two slices of the bread. Spread desired amount of chutney onto the other two slices of bread and make the sandwich.
  4. Cook on the preheated press, pressing down some if needed, until the sandwiches are crispy and nicely browned.
  5. EAT!

Muffin Overload Part Deux

Like I said, funky looking. πŸ˜€

I just had to write that as part Deux instead of part two. I was typing and suddenly channeled the movie “Hot Shots- Part Deux”. Truthfully, one of the stupidest movies ever made (it DID star Charlie Sheen after all even if it was before he had tiger blood…or was it a jaguar…or maybe just a baboon). But I admit that stupid as it was, it made me laugh in a few parts. The frightened laughter of one who is quickly going insane, but laughter nonetheless.

Part Two…erhmmm, Deux is a Double Cheese/Bacon Muffin. These are lumpy and funny looking and deformed and they taste fantastic. Why do they look funny you ask? Because they are quite possibly more cheese and bacon than they are muffin batter. This isn’t a bad thing. Think about it; do you eat a muffin for that tasty batter or do you eat it for what is IN that tasty batter? Yeah; that’s what I thought. me too. So I made a muffin that was more tasty things than tasty batter. Be ready though; Like I said… these aren’t pretty. But they taste yummy enough that you won’t care. Slather them with butter… trust me on that. Butter…cheese…bacon… need I say more? πŸ˜€

Double Cheese And Bacon Muffins

 

  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
  • 12 ounces bacon, cooked crispy and crumbled
  • 8 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
  • 8 ounces shredded Swiss cheese
  • 5 green onions, sliced thin
  • 1 to 2 tablespoons of your favorite hot sauce (I use Franks Red Hot Sauce- best hot sauce ever)
  • 1 egg, beaten (bad egg, bad egg! Sorry… couldn’t resist)
  • 1 cup milk
  • 4 tablespoons oil
  • 2 tablespoons bacon drippings (you heard me… use it gosh darn it πŸ˜› )
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease 12 muffin cups. Do NOT use liners; this will stick and it will be like trying to peel a piece of hot bubble gum off of paper if you do)
  2. Mix together the flour, baking powder, salt, green onions and cheeses. Stir well to combine.
  3. In another bowl, mix the egg, milk,  oil, hot sauce and bacon drippings. Stir well.
  4. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and pour in the wet mixture. Just barely combine them. Fold in the bacon JUST until mixed.
  5. Spoon into the greased muffin cups and bake at 350 until golden brown, about 20 minutes.
  6. Slather with a ton of butter and eat. Then eat another. Then decide, as my son in law did, that while you weren’t sure at the first bite, that these are now your favorite muffin ever.

His & Her Housecleaning & White Trash Dip


I am being so NOT politically correct today. Long humor post that will probably offend some men out there and a recipe whose name will probably offend others. But if you read my blog regularly, you know that for me political incorrectness and “anything for a laugh” are my trademarks :-D. On that note, remember that I lurves you all πŸ˜›

His And Her Housecleaning-
As you read this keep three words in mind please; TONGUE IN CHEEK!!!

How to clean the kitchen…her way.

Start at the top because it makes no sense to clean upwards…everyone knows that. Clean the shelves where you store things and dust and windex all the little knick knacks until they are glittering enough to make an ADHD person stop and say “oooo, shiny things!”

Clean the counters and other surfaces with a steaming hot soapy rag making sure to lift up things on the counter to get the nasties trying to hide under and behind them… germs…ugh!!

Get the Clorox wipes and re-wipe everything after thoroughly drying the counter…germs…UGH!

Look into the cabinets and see how the flour has spilled onto the shelves some. Take the flour out to wipe up the spill and then notice that other things look disorganized and think that there is no way you can cook in a kitchen like that. Take everything out of the one cabinet and straighten it out, again using the Clorox wipes. Get thoroughly grossed out when you find a piece of old stale bread that has somehow gotten shoved to the back of the cabinet. Gag a little as you throw it out.

Notice how nice that cabinet now looks in comparison to the others and with a happy OCD sigh start on the other cabinets, whistling as you alphabetize the spices and make sure all the cans are grouped by food category.

Clean out microwave using boiling water/vinegar method also making sure to move microwave to get anything trapped underneath.

Clean kitchen window, inside and out, cleaning any fingerprints and marks in the door also.

That done, get out mop bucket. Fill with water that is about half a degree away from boiling. Put in enough Pine-Sol and disinfectant to scare away any germs within a 45 mile radius. Mop floor…twice. Then get out floor wax and on hands and knees, cover every inch of the floor in a shiny coating making sure to wipe down baseboards as you work.

Open refrigerator with trepidation because you never know what new mess you will find in there. Take everything out, throwing out anything past it’s date or that looks as if it could be an experiment for Dr. Frankenstein (or is that franc-en-steen?). Clean off the shelves with diluted bleach water, again steaming hot. Sigh as you wonder why your kids have opened 3 different containers of mayo and 4 of the same type of jam. Put everything back in, making sure to put the oldest near the front in the vain hope that it will get used first.

Finally done, reward yourself with a cup of hot tea and something chocolate. Relax….for five minutes…until the kids enter the kitchen and ruin everything you just finished. Start over.

His way….assuming he doesn’t live with a woman.

Go into the kitchen to get a beer. Notice that to get to the refrigerator, you had to navigate past three full trash bags and a sticky floor stain that you are pretty sure is from when your bud Joe got sick last week after too many brews and nachos. Damn, you thought you had cleaned that. Lean down and inspect it a little closer and think to yourself that Joe really needs to chew his food better; that had to have hurt coming up.

Decide maybe you should do something about the kitchen. Women like a clean man so if you can brag about your spotless kitchen, you may have a better chance of getting laid by that chick at the office with the big knockers.

Search for 30 minutes for the cleaning supplies finally finding a dusty bottle of Windex, some rags and some Mr. Clean under the kitchen sink from the last time your mother cleaned up the apartment for you. Wonder where the hell all those pots and pans under your sink came from and what you’re supposed to do with them; doesn’t everyone order food in every night? Look at the picture of Mr. Clean and think he has nothing on your buff body. Do some poses for a few minutes in comparison then get to work.

Take the trash outside to the dumpster. Come back in breathing heavy and tell yourself you have to start going back to the gym. Get out a beer from the fridge, recoiling at the stench and sit down in front of ESPN Sportscenter for a few minutes… that was hard-ass work and you deserve a break.

Finish the beer and go back into the kitchen after taking a leak and doing some more Mr. Clean poses in front of the bathroom mirror.

Get the rags and the Windex and spray about half a bottle on the counter figuring more is better. Sop it up with the rags not bothering to move any of the crap on the counter; you’ll toss that crap in a new trash bag when you’re done with the smelly spray stuff. Sneeze a few times cause of the ammonia smell and wipe your hands on your jeans after looking at the snot on your palm.

Take the now dripping smelly goop covered rags over to the microwave cause you figure nows the time to clean it too since the door has to be pulled with brute force just to get it open cause it’s sticky as all hell. Wipe the insides out with the rags laughing a little as you remember when you and the guys blew up one of those little plastic cans of beans in there a few months back cause you forgot to take the lid off. Clean up the beans still stuck to the inside top of the microwave and wonder if that’s what fell into your TV dinner a couple nights ago. Oh well, who cares? It tasted fine.

Figure that now that the rest of the kitchen looks so damn good, you should do the fridge and the floor. Damn, that girl at work is gonna fall all over you when you tell her what a housekeeping god you are!

Get one of those pots from under the sink…least they’re good for something anyway and fill it partway with cold water and then dump the rest of the Windex in there. Go get the mop from your deck where you were using it as a field hockey stick one night about a year ago to try to make beer cans fly over to the dumpster.

Dunk the mop into the pot and slop it all over the floor. Work on the puke stain for a bit. When it doesn’t come up, figure at least it looks like clean throw up now and leave it. You’re getting tired; you can always buy one of those girly rugs to cover the spot. That’ll just add to your housekeeping/decorating god status.

Finish the floor. Use the mop to have an imaginary sword fight with someone, flinging filthy water all over the counters you “cleaned”.

Open the fridge and recoil from the stench again. Find some Chinese take out from last week and sit down and have a bite to eat, scooping away the crusty parts. Set the container on the counter when you are done and toss the plastic fork in the sink.

Go back to the still open refrigerator. Take out a…a…a… something green and hard and smell it. Realize it isn’t the source of the smell and toss it in the garbage scoring two points for the free throw. Dig around a little, moving the mayo jar with no lid, the 12 take out containers, 4 McDonalds bags, 36 beers and that tofu your last girlfriend left there in ’05 to the side.

Finally, near the back, you find a slimy dripping piece of what you think used to be KFC. Smell it, realize you have found the source of the smell and start to throw it out. Change your mind with an evil grin thinking you will hold on to it until this weekend when Joe comes over to watch the game. Figure you’ll let him have a few brews then offer him a snack… this should be classic! Wrap it up in foil so at least it won’t reek anymore. Wipe your now windexed, beaned and slimed hands on your jeans. Look around the kitchen and feel proud of yourself and mentally leer at the cleavage of “office girl” as you imagine her nude on your kitchen counter. Get another beer, leave the kitchen and go watch TV. Repeat in six months.

White Trash Dip

  • 1 15 ounce can of your favorite chili
  • 2 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened
  • 2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
  • 1 lb bacon, cooked and crumbled
  • 4 green onions
  • 1 teaspoon ground chipotle pepper for garnish
  • Tostito Artisan Fire Roasted Chipotle Tortilla Chips or Tostito Artisan Black bean and Garlic Tortilla Chips
  1. Heat oven to 350.
  2. Mix all but the chipotle pepper together in a large bowl.
  3. Spoon into a 2 quart baking dish and cook at 350 until golden and bubbly, about 20 minutes.
  4. Sprinkle with the chipotle pepper.
  5. Serve with chips and/or thinly sliced baguette (add a little French flair to your white trash πŸ˜› )

Panini AKA Smooshed Up Sandwich

 

Hey there! Get me a sammich! And don’t forget the beer! Well, maybe a glass of wine or some Baileys. But make it quick! I’m hungry! And thirsty!

Ahhh, shades of my past there lol. Except it was beer and I was on the receiving end of that πŸ˜›

Do you ever mentally look back at the younger version of yourself and think “OMG… what WAS I doing? What was I thinking when I did that…said that… LIVED that?” Yeah; me too. Some of the choices I made and those I let be made for me were pretty atrocious.

Many that I can’t regret however. Even with two failed marriages behind me (yes, two… I was young and naive both times though I get along with both exes now; time and maturity heals a lot of wounds plus life is too short for hating) I can’t regret them because of my children. Plus, as cliche as it sounds, you grow from the stupidity. My regrets stem more from choices I made that hurt others. You know what I mean? You don’t get to middle age without having done things that made life difficult for others.

What DO I regret however?

I regret not going to college.

I regret the times I missed with my kids when life was busy because they are the best kids on Earth.

I regret anger.

I regret the time I didn’t buy the strawberry cream filled Twinkies. (C’mon you expected ALL seriousness out of me?)

I regret letting myself be hurt by other, emotionally and physically.

I regret giving up my eleven mile a day walks

I regret times I have inadvertently hurt my husband because he is the best man on Earth.

I regret that I don’t have a better relationship with my stepchildren though I know that is more them than me.

I regret that third glass of wine each and every time I’ve done it πŸ˜€

Last (but certainly not least but I had to stop somewhere… ) I regret not having started this blog sooner because it has been a gateway to meeting so many wonderful people. Yeah, I’m lookin’ at YOU over there squinting at your computer screen. Put on your glasses for petes sake!

I don’t however regret inventanating (yes, that is now a word because I again said so. I like having the “Janet Vocabulary”) this panini (aka Smooshed Up Sandwich). It is quite tasty if I do say so myself.

When we grilled last night, I also made some boneless skinless chicken thighs (yes, you can sub chicken boobies in here. I used thighs to maintain moistness if reheated) to try to play with. Ok, that sounds wrong on more levels than I want to contemplate. I wanted to make them so that I had some meat to work with later.

Sigh. I give up.

I WANTED SOME CHICKEN TO MAKE THINGS OUT OF!!

This is pretty versatile. You could use chicken breast, a sliced up rotisserie chicken, different bread, what have you. The only components you would need to keep the same to have the same basic sandwich is the aioli and the specific cheese (though if you absolutely hate Brie just use another soft creamy cheese). But I’m going to post it the way I made it and the version that my husband gobbled up. Also, if you don’t have a panini press, you can make this in a non stick pan by pressing down hard on it with a heatproof plate using a pot holder. The effect isn’t quite the same but it works.

Grilled Chicken Panini

With Caramelized Onions & A

Sundried Tomato, Basil & Garlic Aioli

  • 2 small grilled boneless skinless chicken thighs
  • 1 sub roll (I used an Asiago cheese one)
  • 2 ounces sliced brie
  • 2 medium onions, thinly sliced (about 1 1/2 cups)
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar (optional)
  • 1/2 cup good quality mayo
  • 1/4 cup sun dried tomatoes
  • 1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped fine
  • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
  • 1 teaspoon lemon zest
  • 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  1. Make the aioli- mix the mayo with the sun dried tomatoes, basil, garlic, lemon zest and lemon juice. Refrigerate for about an hour so so to let the flavors blend.
  2. Make your caramelized onions- put your sliced onions in a pan with the olive; stir to coat. Over medium heat, cook the onions until soft and limp. Turn heat to low (about 3 to 4), add salt and slowly cook until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Stir in the balsamic vinegar if using. You’ll have extra onions; just put them in a covered container in the fridge and save for another time.
  3. Slather the inside of one half of the roll with the aioli. Layer on the chicken, caramelized onions and cheese. Put in a preheated panini press and press down hard. I had to hold one side in with the side of a butter knife to prevent it from sliding out at first because it’s a thick sandwich. Press down hard for about 2 minutes.
  4. Take out, slice in half, eat and drip juices everywhere. Write me a thank you note πŸ˜€

 

 

 

Say Cheese!!! C’mon Say It!

This Is Cheese

 

Ok, go listen to that video (it won’t be easy but you can do it. I have faith in you) then come back here.

Admit it, as stupid as that video was, it made you smile and maybe even laugh just because it IS so darn stupid.

Here’s another if you’re feeling masochistic

I like cheese. Did I ever tell you that? Ok, let me rephrase so that you’ll stop rolling your eyes at me…AGAIN. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that your face would freeze that way btw? It’s not very polite either so stop it right now or no cheese. Rephrasing now. No, I did NOT get distracted again. It was YOUR fault this time! Was so! I see you there shaking your head and…ewwww… stop doing that!

Assssss I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me with your eye rolling and that other thing I hope never to see you do again, I like cheese. A lot. Cheese makes me happy. Ok, so I’m also the woman made happy by Twinkies and Cheetos.  I’m easily pleased! This is a good thing. My husband doesn’t have to buy me diamonds. Just a wedge of Brie now and then or toss some sharp Cheddar my way when my mouth is open. Which isn’t as often as one would think actually. In real life, he’s lucky to get ten words a day out of me and I’m painfully shy. Stop laughing! It’s true! It’s only when writing that I’m a total idiot lunatic.

I also like bacon. Almost as much as I like cheese. On days when I’m feeling the need for salt and/or porky goodness, I may like it better. When I can find a way to mix the two, I’m in hog heaven. Or would that be cheese heaven? Oh my, now I’m confused. Ah HA! Hog heaven that is made out of cheese!! Yes, yes I am in a weird mood today. Why do you ask? I thought I was being rather mild…well for me anyway. We all know it gets worse at times.

I think it may be best for all of us if I just get to todays recipe. Whadda ya mean you agree!? I thought you came here for my fun loving ways!? Heh. That one even made ME laugh. Moving on now.

I love loaded baked potatoes, loaded mashed potatoes, loaded potato CHIPS. Fine, I love anything that is called loaded because someone thought to add cheese and bacon to it; preferably with a side of sour cream. I wanted that recently but wasn’t in a potato mood. So I played around and made loaded mac and cheese. Can we say yummy?! (admit it, you just yelled “yummy” in your head. It’s a Pavlovian sort of a reaction we humans have πŸ˜› ) it really is good. Cheese, bacon, cheese, sour cream, bacon, cheese. Oh yeah some green onions and maybe some pasta too. Try it; you’ll like it. This makes a lot so feel free to cut it in half. But if you make it all then let it cool, you can cut it into individual servings then wrap them and freeze them. Also, this isn’t fancy. There is no making a white sauce, adding your cheese, praying that it doesn’t burn or stick. This is a basic throw together mac and cheese but very yummy and tastes good enough for company. I’ll post “fancier” more complex ones at other times. If you’re wanting fancy, go try this one; you’ll love it! French Onion Soup Mac & Cheese

Loaded Macaroni & Cheese

  • 1 lb of your favorite pasta shape (I used shells)
  • 1 lb bacon, cooked then crumbled (reserve about 1 tablespoon of drippings to add to the mac and cheese)
  • 3 large green onions, sliced
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • 1 1/2 cups milk (maybe more if needed to get consistency you prefer)
  • 1/2 cup (one stick) butter
  • 1 teaspoon favorite hot sauce (optional but it adds a bit of tang)
  • 1 teaspoon mustard (again optional but it helps cut the richness)
  • 1 8 ounce container chive cream cheese
  • 1 lb sharp cheddar, shredded
  • 8 ounces monterey jack cheese, shredded
  • 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
  • whatever sort of cheese you prefer to top the pan and showcase all the cheesy yumminess (I used Provolone)
  1. Butter a 13×9 pan, preferably a glass one as metal can add off tastes. If using metal, at least line it with foil. πŸ™‚
  2. Heat oven to 350 degrees.
  3. In a large pot, cook pasta according to package directions. Drain well, then add back to the pot. Add in the milk, butter, hot sauce, mustard and cream cheese. Over low heat, heat until cream cheese is melted, stirring constantly to prevent sticking. Add in the rest of the cheeses and the bacon and reserved bacon drippings (honest; it adds flavor and at this point, worrying about the calories is pretty silly πŸ˜› ) and stir constantly until cheese is melted. If too thick for you, add more milk about 1/4 cup at a time.
  4. Pour into buttered pan. Top with a few slices of cheese. Wow; more cheese. Imagine that. Even if you’re not lactose intolerant you may want to take a box or two of Lactaid before you eat this. Hehe. Bake at 350 JUST long enough to melt and maybe lightly brown the cheese on top. If you cook too long, it will dry out. It is already cooked; this is just for melting purposes.
  5. Serve. Eat. Moan. The End. πŸ˜€


    Is There Such A Thing As “Basil Rehab”?

    Cause if there is, I think I need it. Every year I plant a handful of Basil plants and every year, I have the poor things picked down to baby leaves before we even get to July. I need Basil Twinkie Curry and Cheeto rehab. At the rate I’m going I am going to have to buy every basil plant at the store come Spring each year. The first year it was one plant. It was  a mild addiction. I used fresh basil in spaghetti sauces and in tomato sandwiches and periodically went out and just crushed a leave in my fingers and smelled it,. Then I would be caught sniffing my hands for hours afterward. Talk about awkward.  The next year I bought three. That was when I ventured out into making homemade pesto and using the Basil on anything involving tomatoes and cheese. there was also the time I was found on the back porch by my husband, late at night, with my head buried in the basil leaves and suspicious green streaks around my mouth. But we don’t talk about that. It traumatized him. This year I bought five plants. They are already nubs. I think I have been doing sleepwalking basil eating. that or my love of Caprese has also turned into a serious addiction.

    Todays recipe probably doesn’t help if I were to deny a Caprese problem.

    Everyone knows what Monkey Bread is right? Well, with my mind wrapped firmly around the idea of “pant pant drool drool… what else can I do with basil? Slurp slurp.. BASSSSIIILLLLLLLL”  the idea occurred to me that a version of Caprese would make a good Monkey bread. So I tried. I tried first stuffing rolls with a yummy Sun dried Tomato Bruschetta topping I have but that didn’t work. Too oily and the rolls wouldn’t seal. So instead I took rolls, stuffed them with a mix of sun dried tomatoes, fresh Basil and mozzarella. Then I sprinkled it with Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning , drizzled the whole thing with garlic butter and baked it. Oh my God. Talk about cheesy basily (yes that is now a word cause I said so πŸ˜› ) Heaven. Between the tart chewy sun dried tomatoes, the gooey cheese, that wonderful addictive Basil and the garlic butter and oh yeah the soft yeasty rolls, this was so full of flavor it should have been illegal. I’m glad it wasn’t though or I’d be in jail for eating three of them in quick succession. What!? I was hungry! My husband never feeds me. He’s mean like that. Plus, I can’t tell all of you what it tastes like If I haven’t tried it. Right? Of course right. πŸ˜€

    So give this a try. If you have a thing for Caprese or just love cheese, I think you’ll love this one. πŸ™‚ Enjoy!

    Caprese Stuffed Rolls

    A La

    Monkey Bread Style

    • 28 frozen raw store bought yeast rolls 
    • 1 pound block mozzarella cheese, cut into 28 cubes
    • 28 to 56 fresh basil leaves (depends on the size of the leaves how many you will need)
    • 28 bite sized sun dried tomato pieces
    • 1 stick (1/2 cup) SALTED butter
    • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
    • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)
    • Grated Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning for sprinkling
    1. Thaw the rolls on a greased piece of foil or waxed paper.
    2. When rolls are thawed, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Grease a monkey bread pan or any circular straight sided and flat bottomed baking pan.
    3. Take each roll and with your hands, flatten out into a circle. On each roll, put one to two basil leaves, a chunk of the mozzarella and a piece (or two if small) of the sun dried tomato. Press the roll around the cheese, making sure to seal well so they don’t pop open as they bake.
    4. In a microwave safe bowl, melt the salted butter, garlic powder and red pepper (if using) on high. Should take about 60 seconds. Stir well to mix
    5. Make a layer of the stuffed rolls in the greased pan. Drizzle liberally with the garlic butter.  Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning.  Make one more layer. Drizzle with the rest of the garlic butter. Sprinkle with more Parmesan and Italian seasoning. Bake at 350 until puffed and golden brown on top. Let sit in the pan for about 3 to 5 minutes then invert over a large plate. Eat until you’re going to burst. πŸ˜€