Munchkins

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Is there anyone alive who hasn’t watched The Wizard of Oz at some point in their life? When I was a kid, it came on TV every year. So did Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory but we’re not talking about chocolate today. Though thinking of it is there a BAD time to talk about chocolate? Sorry. I got sidetracked. Imagine that. I loved that movie when I was a kid; still do actually. But I have to confess. The Lollipop Kids freaked me the hell out. I loved the Munchkins. I wanted one of my own. Hey, I was young! I wasn’t thinking they were people, I just thought they would look great lined up with my stuffed animals. But The Lollipop Kids? Really; they scared the poop out of me. I’m not sure why really. But they struck me then and now as something out of a kids nightmare.

What is it with small things that brings out the oohs and ahhhs in all of us though? Munchkins to line up with your stuffed animals, human babies (did I mention that I have six kids? I swear, I didn’t KNOW that they wouldn’t always be cute and tiny! No one told me about teenagers!), kittens (I want a kitty!!), puppies, even little foods. Something about small stuff turns most people, especially women (though my husband gives most women a run for their money when it comes to turning into goo over babies) into piles of genetic goo.

I have heard before that babies are small and cute to make us think twice about leaving them out for the wolves to get when they keep us up nights and I can’t disagree 😛 I figure the last time I got a full nights sleep was about 1985. If my husband had his way, I would continue remembering sleep fondly until I was too old to remember how to put a diaper on. We have ten between us and every time we go to the store, if he disappears, all I have to do is listen for the sound of cooing and I know it’s him, getting teary eyed and loving on somebodies baby. Personally, I think it’s cute but don’t tell him I said so.

Like I said though, even cute foods seem to bring out the awwws in most of us. I think that’s one reason cupcakes have been all the rage for the last couple of years. I know it’s not just that small and not too much to eat thing because if you eat the equivalent of half a 9 inch layer cake in cupcakes, it kills the not much to eat part. Or maybe that was just me. Never mind.

When I finished making today’s recipe, I called my husband and two teen boys into the kitchen as I cooed over the cute little cakes. They weren’t impressed with the size and looked at me as if they were thinking about calling the man with the little white coats. They just wanted to eat them. EAT THEM?!  But…but…but… they’re CUTE! I pointed and emphasized the cuteness. Zachie, my 14 year old just said “Uh huh. Can I have one now?” Heathen.

So go make these adorable little cakes. Just promise me that you”ll coo over them and call everybody into the kitchen to see them before you eat them. You might not want to line them up with your stuffed animals though. Damn, I want a munchkin.

LIMEADE POUND CAKE

These are exceptionally moist, very simple to make cakes. They are tender and have enough of a lime flavor and tartness to them that I didn’t even add my normal ton of Lime zest to them. You don’t even really need the glaze but I can’t think of any logical reason not to use it anyway 😀

  1. 1 box lemon cake mix
  2. 1 cup sour cream
  3. 1 12 ounce container frozen limeade, thawed and divided
  4. 4 ounces cream cheese, softened (use the rest on a bagel. Yes, one bagel. I like cream cheese. Make me happy.)
  5. 3 large eggs
  6. 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour (or use cooking spray) a 12 cup Bundt cake pan. Or, as I did, use mini cake pans and muffin tins. I got 8 mini cakes and six cupcakes from this.
  • Place the cake mix,  half the limeade, sour cream, cream cheese and eggs in a large bowl. Beat for one minute on low speed, then scrape the bowl. Continue beating on medium speed for about 2 minutes.
  • Pour the batter into the prepared Bundt pan or whatever pan you’re using.
  • Bake for 22 to 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  • Turn onto a wire rack and let cool thoroughly.
  • Mix 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar with limeade, a little at a time, until you get a glaze of spooning consistency. Spoon over the cake(s)
  • Eat four of them and then tell yourself that the calories don’t count because they are tiny. And cute. Awwwww….. look at them!!!

But What Will I Leave The Children?!

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I’m not a wealthy woman. So far from it it’s giggle worthy. I have the same pipe dreams as everyone else about winning the lottery and living a life of leisure in my 4 bedroom house that has a library with floor to ceiling bookshelves. I’d eat seafood every night except for the nights I was eating steak of course. My kids would never need anything and I would be able to leave them large inheritances…such large ones that I would have around the clock security and metal detectors at the front door for when they came over to fawn over me and ask about my health. What?! I believe in being cautious!

But in real life… the same one where I clean my own toilets, clean up cat poop. have cooked approximately 10,000 meals since I entered adulthood (who am I kidding? I still haven’t entered adulthood. I don’t think you are allowed to say that until you prefer something other than Ho-Hos for dinner), did NOT pay someone else to give birth to six children (wouldn’t that be awesome!? Childbirth by proxy! Yeah baby!. Sorry. Moving on.) and have carpets desperately in need of steam cleaning, I don’t have large inheritances to leave my kids. So what will they be fighting over? Besides my collection of old rock and country albums and cassette tapes (yes, I have cassette tapes. Shush.) 300 gazillion books, more spices than any one household should have, stuffed animals older than dirt and the worlds strangest collection of knick knacks (including Stanley the Pig) that is? I was going to leave them my recipes. I had grand plans of making 6 different hand bound copies, lovingly hand printed, of all the recipes they grew up with and loved. My spaghetti sauce, lasagna, sticky buns, chicken curry, homemade rolls, banana bread, cranberry pumpkin bread, homemade apple butter and so many more. Mind you, in reality, they would have been left with rubbermaid containers and drawers (not to mention the top of my hard drive which is groaning under the weight of miscellaneous paper)  filled with about 3000 printed out recipes and some hand written ones but hey, my intentions were good. They will have to find the correct recipes (that is assuming I even HAVE a recipe for whatever they are looking for. Most of my cooking is just trial and error) and then figure out how I changed them because I never write down my changes. Between you and I, part of that is because I’m a stingy cuss who doesn’t want anyone to have my recipes 😛

But now that I have started this blog, my poor kids are screwed. They get nuthin’. Cause all my recipes are going to end up on here eventually. Such as today as I post my chocolate chocolate chip banana bread recipe. So what will I leave the children? Some Andy Gibb albums, figurines of a pig, old clothes and Bobby Goldsboro cassette tapes.

So kids… don’t fight over it all. And be nice to the piggie.

CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP BANANA BREAD

  1. 2 cups flour
  2. 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  3. 1 teaspoon salt
  4. 2 teaspoons baking soda
  5. 1 cup butter (2 sticks), softened
  6. 1 cup sugar
  7. 6 to 8 mashed bananas
  8. 1 1/2 teaspoons banana extract
  9. 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  10. 4 large eggs
  11. 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
  12. 1 cup walnuts (optional; I rarely use them)
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Grease and flour two loaf pans or use the cooking spray that has both oil and flour in it. Either nine inch or eight inch will work. I use nine inch and that is what my cooking time is based on.
  • In a small bowl,mix together the flour, cocoa powder, salt and baking soda.
  • In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar. Add the bananas and mix well. Mix in the eggs, vanilla extract and banana extract. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix just until combined. Mix in the chocolate chips and walnuts if you are using them.
  • Pour into the two pans and bake for 60 to 70 minutes or until a toothpick or skewer poked into the center of the loaf comes out almost clean. It’s ok if there are a few moist crumbs on it.. Let it cool for five minutes in the pan then turn it out onto a wire rack to finish cooling.

Strange Dreams

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Just could NOT get a good photo today. It's so gloomy out it's like shooting in a cave. 🙁

It’s funny how having kids makes you so aware of your own mortality. I think I’ve mentioned that I have six kids.  Yes, you read that right. Six. Five boys and one girl. Three are grown and married (in their twenties) and three (all boys) still live at home. They are Jordan, my sixteen year old, Zach, my 14 year old and Joshua my “omg what was I thinking having another child at my age” two year old. :-P. Josh is the one that makes me contemplate my own life more most of the time. His brothers have that effect some, especially Jordan, who I have mentioned before has a handful of major challenges he deals with wonderfully on a daily basis but not as much as my two year old terror. I find myself aware of every kink and every pain. There are times that every twinge becomes a harbinger of doom leaving me planning my estate and telling my husband what songs to play at my funeral (I never knew anyone could roll their eyes quite that much). It will of course be attended by 5000 grieving people. I’m not sure where they will come from since I’m rather shy in “real” life and am pretty sure I haven’t known 5000 people in all my 46 years. Maybe he can hire them? Or pull people off the street with the promise of cheap booze and free Doritos? I dunno. But that’s neither here nor there. They’ll be there. All 5000 of them… in our little house… probably with muddy feet, getting the carpet all dirty. Awww crap… I better plan for a carpet cleaner. Russ will never think of that.

Where was I? Doom… kids… mortality. Oh yeah; mortality. Seriously though,  you think differently when you have kids. Not saying it’s better or worse, just different. I wonder at times how old would my two year old would have to be to have concrete memories of me? Would he remember me reading him Dr. Seuss and being the “SNORT” in “Are You My Mother?” Would he smile when he smelled Lemon Vanilla cologne and not know it was because it reminded him of me? If I died today, would he remember our cuddle sessions in bed every morning after his daddy goes to work? Who would help Jordan and take care of him? Who would make sure Zach took out the garbage and stayed away from the computer when he was supposed to be doing chores? I also wonder what type of woman my husband would replace me with and if I can hunt her down now and let her know what a picky eater he is and how he has a tendency to…erhmmm… empty a room quickly at times. All I know is she’d better be 4’11” and weigh 300 pounds and not be able to cook. Just sayin’.

Introspection is annoying. It makes me write silly posts that have not a whit to do with cooking (though in defense the tag line of my blog DOES say “Cooking and life from a mom on the edge”. :-P.)  It comes into being from strange dreams where I wake up saying to myself “I’m going to die today”. Yeah, I know… freaky. Try being the one who woke up thinking it.

Ehhhhh, let’s eat.

TRIPLE STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE BARS

  • CRUST-
  1. 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
  2. 1/2 cup powdered sugar
  3. 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  4. 1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
  • Filling-
  1. 2 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened
  2. 1 1/2 cups sugar
  3. 1 10 jar strawberry preserves
  4. 3 large eggs
  5. 1/4 cup flour
  6. 1 lb  fresh strawberries, sliced
  7. 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  8. 1/2 cup sour cream
  9. 1/2 cup heavy cream
  • Topping-
  1. Whipped cream or creme fraiche
  2. strawberry pie filling of strawberry dessert topping
  • Preheat oven to 350
  • line a 13×9 baking pan with foil. Grease with butter or spray with non stick cooking spray
  • In a large bowl, mix butter and powdered sugar for crust. Beat well. Add vanilla and eggs, again beating well. Slowly beat in the two cups flour, beating at medium speed until it is fully mixed and crumbly. Pat into the bottom of the foil lined pan.
  • Bake at 350 for ten minutes while you make the filling.
  • Beat cream cheese and sugar at high speed just until mixed. Beat in the strawberry preserves.  Add three eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add in the vanilla extract, sour cream, heavy cream and flour, beating just until mixed. Overbeating anything cheesecakey (yes, that too is now a word 😀 ) is one thing that makes the cracks in the top. Fold in the sliced strawberries.
  • Spread the filling mixture on top of the crust and put back in the oven. Bake at 350 for approximately 45 minutes or until it is just barely set in the middle. It can look somewhat shiny but shouldn’t be sloshy (don’t ya just love my directions? 😛 ). The residual heat will finish baking it.
  • Let cool for an hour on the counter then cover and refrigerate overnight. Trust me… it will be easier to cut if you do. If you want to serve it room temp, cut and plate it when cold then just let it sit out to come to temp.
  • Top with whipped cream or creme fraiche and strawberry topping.

Rules, Schmules!

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I’ve never been very good at following some kinds of rules. In most cases, I am a stickler for them. I always use my turn signals and never follow too closely. I don’t jaywalk. If I were a smoker, I would never think of smoking somewhere where there is a no smoking sign and I try to treat others as I would want to be treated (yes, I feel that comes under the heading of rules. If it didn’t, it does now. I just made it a rule 😛 ) and so on and so forth. But when it comes to recipes, I am simply horrible at following the rules. I can barely follow a recipe much less cooking rules. Mix soy sauce with BBQ sauce? Ewwwww! I’ve done it… it works.  Fruit with meat? I was doing it long before it was fashionable. Wear white after Labor day? Oh wait, wrong kind of rules and a stupid one to boot. Mix two totally different types of cuisine? Yep, been there done that. It’s one of my favorite ways of cooking. Tonight I wanted Quesadillas. But I was also craving the Andouille sausage I bought a few days ago. I wanted Gumbo. I wanted Tex-Mex. In other words, I was completely confused… aka my normal state of being. Pretend you didn’t read that. I am never confused. I walk through my days in utter logic and straight thinking. I also have a dinosaur named Barney who hides in my closet.

So as usual, I decided to play. Sometimes my playing ends in utter disaster like what happened here . Sometimes I get lucky although I like to delude myself into thinking it is my skill. Yeah… right. Pure luck. I tend to think that that is how most decent dishes came about. Luck or mistakes. Tonight I lucked out. I hope you like it. 🙂

Cajun Panini Quesadillas With A Spicy Lime-Cilantro Mayo

  1. 1 lb andouille sausage, cut into bite size chunks (you can also just take it out of the casing altogether but I tend to like the bite you get with the casing)
  2. 1 package pre cooked chicken strips ( the kind in the lunch meat section)
  3. 1 large green pepper, cut into strips
  4. 1 large onion, cut into half moon slices
  5. 8 10 inch flour tortillas
  6. 1 tablespoon olive oil or vegetable oil
  7. 1 teaspoon Cajun seasoning
  8. 1 cup cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
  9. 1 cup cheese (just use your favorite. I used a four cheese Mexican blend)
  10. 1/2 cup mayonnaise
  11. 1 tablespoon finely chopped cilantro
  12. zest of one lime
  13. juice of half a lime
  14. 1 tablespoon chili lime hot sauce (Franks makes the one I used but you could just sub your favorite hot sauce. You DO have a favorite hot sauce I hope? Please tell me that you do.)
  • Dump your andouille, green pepper and onion in a large saucepan with the oil.
  • Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently until the andouille is thoroughly cooked and the veggies are soft.
  • Add in the Cajun seasoning, tomatoes and chicken strips. Continue cooking over medium heat until the chicken is heated through and the tomatoes are softened.
  • While this is cooking, preheat your Panini press. If you don’t have a press, you can use a frying pan lightly greased with oil but it is going to prove more difficult to get out of the pan w/out thing flopping out of it.
  • Put one tortilla in the press. Cover with 1/4 cup cheese and a quarter of the sausage mixture. Top with the other tortilla and close press. Cook for about 4 minutes or until it is nicely browned. It’s thick so you may have to press the heck out of the panini press.
  • To make the spicy cilantro-lime mayo, mix together the mayo, cilantro, lime zest, lime juice and hot sauce.
  • Serve the quesadillas  cut into fourths with some of the mayonnaise and a lime wedge on the side for drizzling over.

“An apple is an excellent thing — until you have tried a peach.”

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I have to agree with that quote. Don’t get me wrong.  I love Apples, especially if they are coated in so much caramel that you have a hard time finding the apple underneath it. Or  liberally coated with sugar and cinnamon and put into a pie crust then served with vanilla ice cream. But they can’t compete with peaches or any other stone fruit for that matter. How often do you bite into an apple and have the juices drip down your chin? When you put an apple up to your nose, can you really smell anything? Is an apple just as tasty plain as it is covered in caramel or does it need these things to be at its best? Ok, now that I’ve totally disrespected the humble apple in favor of the juicy peach I’ll move along.

Would you believe that my much loved husband also does not like Peaches? Neither does my daughter. I really need to seriously think about disowning the both of them. I swear, the list of my hubbys dislikes when it comes to food is longer than his likes :-P  He won’t eat *sobs piteously* Sushi, mushrooms, peaches and other things I will remember as I make recipes using them just to hear him say “Can’t you make something I like for petes sake?” Though were I to do that, we would all be living on tortilla chips and jalapeno cheese dip. And burping… a lot. And having our significant others sleep on the living room couch to save our noses. Ok, I’m going to die for that one.

I have been meaning to make a cobbler for about 3 weeks now. I finally got around to it.  On a side note, I used to have a pot holder that had printed on it “This is a round to-it. You now have no excuse for putting off all the things you said you would do when you got a round to it.” I hated that pot holder. Damn thing made me feel guilty every time I procrastinated.

But I did finally make a cobbler. I have been making this one for years now. It is easy as can be and you don’t have to wait until fresh peaches and apricots are in season because it uses canned fruit. Mind you, I love cobblers made with fresh fruit (or frozen which half the time is better quality than the so called fresh fruits that get shipped to the stores) and will definitely have recipes up using them as we get later in the year (like my home canned peach salsa and my spicy tomato relish) but for now, canned is about as good as it gets. And this one is pretty darn good. Make sure you serve it with the spiced whipped cream. That stuff is killer good. The topping is almost like a sugar cookie which is one of the tihngs I love about it.

APRICOT PEACH COBBLER

  1. 2 cups sugar, divided
  2. 4 tablespoons cornstarch
  3. 2 15 ounce cans sliced peaches, drained but reserving 1/2 cup juice
  4. 2 15 ounce cans sliced apricots (or apricot halves) drained but reserving 1/2 cup juice
  5. 2 tablespoons butter
  6. 1 to 2 teaspoons cinnamon (depends on how much you like cinnamon)
  7. 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
  8. 1 cup all purpose flour
  9. 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  10. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  11. 4 tablespoons butter
  12. 2 large eggs
  • SPICED WHIPPED CREAM
  1. 1 cup heavy cream
  2. 1/4 cup honey
  3. 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  4. 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
  • Mix one cup sugar, the cornstarch and the reserved liquids in a saucepan.
  • Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture boils and thickens. Stir in the 2 tablespoons butter, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add the canned fruit and then spoon the fruit mixture into a buttered 3 quart baking dish, preferably a glass one because fruits can easily pick up a metal taste from metal pans.
  • Mix together the flour, last cup sugar, baking powder, salt, 4 tablespoons butter. Beat well until the mixture comes together. Spoon this over the fruit. Bake in a 400 degree oven for about 30 minutes or until it is a nice golden brown.
  • Make the whipped cream by beating together all the ingredients for it until soft peaks form. Cover the cobbler with it and pig out.

On A Wing And A Prayer

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Back in 19…well, 19 something and lets just leave it at that shall we, I worked at T.J. Applebees which was the name the restaurant now known as Applebees went by back in the day. One of the Friday night specials they had was ten cent wings. Yes, ten cents. Now of course you feel blessed if you can find somewhere that does wings for 50 cents. But that’s neither here nor there. You don’t want me to get started on a rant over the state of the economy and how difficult it is for a person to get an inexpensive wings fix now do you?

I want to know who decided wings were trendy. I mean really? Wings? They have about 2 ounces of meat and that’s if you find a nice meaty one from a chicken who had weight issues and needed lap band surgery. Couldn’t the “theys” that decide these things have made drumsticks a fad instead? I don’t like drumsticks. I could have had a whole flock of wings all to myself.

The problem with wings (other than the now exorbitant price) is that up until fairly recently they came in three flavors:  mild, medium and “omg, I no longer have lips”. While I love me a good hot wing and have been known to court tongue blisters many times, I tend to crave variety. Mind you, even my variety tends to have some heat to it but it’s not of the Franks Red Hot Sauce kind (I do love that stuff though). So when I made wings for dinner last night, I wanted to try something different. I love Orange chicken but it is usually cloyingly sweet and has no bite to it at all. I also love Chipotle peppers but they have been done to death. So I played around and made my own fusion of the two flavors. I of course also had to use the glaze on boneless skinless chicken breasts because my husband won’t eat wings. Did I mention that I love him in spite of his obvious flaws? But… it worked well on the breast too though it was difficult getting them glazed well without a skin for it to stick to. If I do that again, I will marinade the breasts for some time before cooking them.

But if you like wings (or chicken breasts or any part of the feathered creature actually, especially the lips) or you like a bit of citrusy (yes, that is now a word) heat you may like these. They are sticky, sweet, spicy and with the tang of citrus.

ORANGE CHIPOTLE GLAZED WINGS

  1. 4 lbs chicken wings (whole, pieces; doesn’t matter. Use what you like)
  2. 1 12 ounce can frozen orange juice concentrate
  3. 1 7 ounce can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (I used 5 peppers and some sauce)
  4. 1 cup honey
  5. 1/4 cup brown sugar
  6. 2 teaspoons minced garlic
  7. 1 teaspoon onion powder
  8. 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  9. zest from one orange
  10. 2 tablespoons lemon juice
  • First, if you’ve decided to do this with boneless skinless breasts, I suggest putting the chicken and the marinade/glaze in a large plastic bag and letting it marinade for up to 24 hours. Otherwise, just continue as instructed.
  • Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Put your wings in a single layer (or as close to it as you can get) in a large baking pan and put into the oven while you make the glaze.  This is to help render some of the excess fat off for obvious reasons and so it doesn’t thin out the glaze too much.
  • Take the rest of your ingredients and dump them into the blender or the bowl of a food processor.   Like I wrote in the ingredients, I used five peppers and some sauce in mine. If you are heat averse (you poor soul) use less. If you really like your heat, use more. I would have rated this about a 4. Next time, I will use more peppers.
  • Process this up until it is a nice puree. You may still have some small bits of peppers. That’s no problem.
  • After your wings have been in the oven for 30 minutes, turn the oven up to 400 and take the wings out. Drain off all the fat and pour your glaze over them. Turn them to coat both sides. Cook for about another 30 to 45 minutes until they are nicely glazed (you may want to turn them once more during cooking) and cooked through. Before you take them out, you can turn the oven to broil and put the wings under there to crisp up the skin a little.
  • If you have any extra sauce in the pan, it’s great over rice. Now go… shoo… cook some wings.

Memories Are Made Of….Candy

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Back when I was a kid when the dinosaurs still roamed the earth and we all wore Saber Tooth Tiger skins for clothing I used to love to go to the store and buy candy. Lots and lots of candy. It was fairly inexpensive then (we are so NOT getting into the “it’s all relative because people made less money” theory) and there were varieties that are either extinct (like those Saber Tooth Tigers) now or very difficult to find unless one wants to spend 3k online for a 5 ounce box of candy. One of the ones that I loved then and still adore that has made a comeback in recent years is Lemonheads. Little yellow balls of sugar that had a wonderful sweet tart flavor. Not like what they call sour candy today where if you eat it, you literally burn off your taste buds. I prefer to save my taste bud burning for curry thank you very much.

There was a method for eating Lemonheads. You had to nibble off the sour waxy outside coating and then suck on the little sugar ball inside until it was gone. My husband of course, who also has fond memories of Lemonheads, didn’t do this. He needs to be flogged. With a Fifth Avenue bar (which was my dads favorite and which he would eat 6 in a row of even after being diagnosed with Diabetes lol) or a Nerd Rope. I’m pretty sure he broke multiple laws when he just tossed them in his mouth and chewed. But then this is the same man who is shameful enough to eat a Ho-Ho by… *GASP*… biting into it, not eating off all of the outside coating, unrolling it, licking off the filling then eating the cake. I have said before, I love him in spite of his obvious flaws, but he makes it hard at times like that.

That sweet tart flavor of Lemonheads is always something I am trying to recreate but not in candy form because I am old (see Saber Tooth Tiger reference above) and my poor aged teeth can’t handle it. I will get into a “take care of your teeth” lecture at a later date. I originally got this recipe from a Yahoo group back in 2003. I’ve seen it many places since then claiming to be theirs, but rest assured, it isn’t. This has been around for quite awhile.  But being me, I had to change it. I said once that I think there is a chromosome that lets one follow recipes (or rules in general) and I am missing it.  I think it turned out awesome and the taste is reminiscent of those much loved candies. So here you go. Enjoy. But promise me that you’ll go floss after you eat half a pan of these.

Creamy Lemon Crumb Squares

  1. 1 1/3 cup all purpose flour
  2. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  3. 1 teaspoon baking powder
  4. 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, softened
  5. 1 cup brown sugar
  6. 1 cup oats
  7. 2 cans sweetened condensed milk
  8. 1/2 cup lemon juice
  9. 1/2 cup lime juice
  10. zest of one lemon
  11. zest of one lime
  12. 1 teaspoon of lemon extract
  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Mix butter and sugar until well combined.
  • Mix together flour, salt and baking powder
  • Add oats and flour mixture to the butter/sugar mixture.
  • Press half of the crumbs (it actually took me a bit more because I used a 13×9 inch pan) onto the bottom of a 13×9 inch pan.
  • Mix together the sweetened condensed milk, lemon and lime juices, lemon and lime zest and lemon extract. Spread onto the oatmeal crust. Sprinkle the reserved crumbs evenly over the lemon filling.
  • Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for about 30 minutes then cut into squares but don’t take them out of the pan yet. They will dissolve into a pile of goo. Trust me. 😛 Put them in the fridge overnight THEN take them out of the pan. They will come out very easily if you do that.
  • Eat half a dozen. Floss. Eat more. Get out the Anbesol.

*Gives you the “mom look”* Have you flossed yet?

Awww mom! Curry AGAIN?!

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I blame the Germans. Really. I do. I knew nothing about curry before my ex got stationed in Mannheim Germany. I also knew nothing about German candy (which btw leaves American candy in the dust) Schnitzel (*drools*) or just how wonderful a country it was in general. I’ll talk more about Germany later I’m sure. I still miss it 23 years later (omg, I’m old). But today I’m bitching at them about my love for Curry. The Germans love curry. While I wasn’t exposed to it much there because I was a young stupid American afraid to try anything new, I did try curry ketchup. As I got older and more adventurous, I started to try things outside my comfort zone. Curry anything was one of my attempts and I love it.

The first time I tried Curried Chicken Salad was from the deli department of one of those large “we sell gourmet foods (I originally went there looking for German chocolate. Go figure.) as well as booze” types of stores.  Being the cheap bastage that I am, I didn’t want to continue to pay $5.99 a pound for it (and this was years before curried chicken salad became a trend and you could find recipes for it all over the net so I shudder to think what it costs now) so I tried to recreate it. I have tweaked it some over the years but basically it is still the same recipe I made up about 15 years ago. Even if you’re not a curry fan, try this version. This cold chicken salad is chock full of grapes giving it a subtle sweetness along a mild curry flavor. It is great served on a croissant or just eaten straight or as you know is the norm for me with something I like, hidden away in the fridge in a tub labeled “Spinach” and eaten on the sly when no  one is looking. 😛 This is an extremely simple recipe which makes it even better.

CURRIED CHICKEN SALAD

  1. 3 lbs boneless skinless chicken breasts
  2. 1 cup mayonnaise
  3. 1 1/2 cups seedless grapes (you can cut them in half if you want. Personal preference thing there)
  4. 1/4 cup raisins
  5. 2 green onions, sliced thin
  6. 2 tablespoons mild curry powder
  7. 1/4 cup brown sugar
  8. 1/4 cup apricot preserves (can use Peach preserves or even mango chutney)
  9. salt to taste
  • Put your chicken in a large pot and bring to a boil over medium high heat. Lower heat to a simmer and cook until the chicken is done. You can just cut the largest piece in half and make sure it isn’t pink. But don’t overcook. You can end up with rubber chicken even if it’s been cooked in water. When done, set aside and let cool. Chop into bite sized pieces.
  • While it’s cooking, make your sauce. It’s very difficult.
  • Take all the rest of the ingredients. Dump them in a bowl. Mix well. See. I told you it was difficult.
  • Mix the chopped chicken into the sauce. Taste for seasoning. It will have a bit of a gritty feel at first so as good as it tastes, let it sit for 24 hours or so before you eat it. That gives it time for the spices to dissolve.

 

 

You Put Da Lime In Da Coconut

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And then you feel better,
Put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up,
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning.

One of the strangest songs ever written. Every time I think of it, I think of the Muppets Episode where Kermit sang it.  Yes, I realize my TV viewing leaves something to be desired… like maybe sophistication and intelligence but in my defense, I’ve been surrounded by kids since I was 21. What do you expect? Just please…. don’t get me started on The Fresh Beat Band *shudders* or Yo Gabba Gabba. I’ve been known to rant on the subject of our children’s brain cells being fried by the junk they advertise as educational television these days. Not to mention the perception kids must have of adults as babbling idiots by the time they reach school age if they watch those shows. Ok, I got myself started didn’t I? Ummm…oops?

Sunny Dayyyy… chasing my caressss awayyyyyyy!!! Lalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaa. Can you tell me how to get- how to get to Sesame Street!?

Now THAT was good kids TV. Cute puppets, kids learned their letters and numbers as well as moral lessons. We already know I’m easily amused so stop laughing; it’s not nice. Sesame Street taught you that. I know it  did. 😛

I’ve also mentioned that I love anything curry. So today I was playing around and wanted to do something interesting with the boneless pork Loin roast I had. Methinks I succeeded. I cut the roast into chops and marinated them in a coconut milk/lime/curry marinade and then cooked them up in the same marinade. By the time it was done, they were fall apart tender infused with the luscious taste of the marinade which had cooked down into a creamy sauce. I served this with a spicy peach & cranberry chutney I’ve been making for years, an extra squeeze of lime over the meat, basmati rice that we covered in the sauce and Broccoli florets. I tried to carry the flavors over from the sauce to the chutney and I think it worked well here.

Boneless Pork Loin Chops in a Coconut Curry Sauce

  1. 3.5 pound pork loin roast, cut into chops of desired thickness ( I made 10 chops from it. This gives us enough for 2 meals. You can make them thicker or thinner but that will affect cooking time so be aware of that. This can also be cut in half just using boneless chops for less people if you don’t want to use a whole roast)
  2. 2 15 ounce cans coconut milk
  3. 2 tablespoons red curry paste
  4. 1/4 cup lime juice
  5. zest from one lime
  6. 1 teaspoon ground ginger
  7. 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  8. 1 teaspoon onion powder (NOT onion salt)
  9. 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  10. 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
  11. 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • Mix all the marinade ingredients together in a large bowl. Put your chops in and push them down under the marinade. Cover and refrigerate for at least an hour. Longer is even better. You can marinade for up to a day. Mine was in for about 3 hours and I think it would have been even better for a full day.
  • Preheat your oven to 350 about 20 minutes before you need to get the meat started. Foil line a 13×9 inch pan then spray it with cooking spray. That will reduce your mess plus the chops won’t stick as much.
  • Put your chops, one by one, into the foil lined pan. Carefully pour 1 1/2 cups of your marinade over the chops (just discard the rest) and cover the pan with more foil. Cook in the preheated oven for 60 to 90 minutes, depending on how thick you cut your chops, uncovering the pan after 45 minutes to give your sauce time to thicken up some. When you can  easily pull a piece off of a chop with a fork, they are done. Serve them with the chutney and preferably with some rice to soak up all the saucy goodness. Make sure you squeeze some lime juice over the meat for each serving. It adds that indefinable oomph that makes the dish great.

Sweet & Spicy Peach Cranberry Chutney

  1. 2 15 ounce cans sliced peaches in juice or light syrup
  2. 1 15 ounce can whole berry cranberry sauce (you can also do this w/out the cranberry sauce if you just want a Peach chutney. I have done it both ways.)
  3. 1/2 cup raisins
  4. 1 red onion, chopped
  5. 1 clove minced garlic (again; I used the kind in the jar. Ninety percent of the time, it works perfectly for your garlic needs)
  6. 2 teaspoons cinnamon
  7. 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
  8. 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
  9. 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (use less if you don’t like spicy)
  10. 1 cup packed brown sugar
  11. 1/2 cup cider vinegar
  • Dump everything into a medium sized sauce pot. Stir well to combine. Cook over medium heat until reduced by about half and thickened. This will take anywhere from an hour and a half to 2 and a half hours. Stir frequently to prevent sticking and if it starts to stick, turn your heat down to about 3 or 4 on an electric stove, low heat on a gas stove. This can be used the day it is made but it’s even better the next day.

 

 

 

I Scream Scones

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!! I crack me up. I scream scones. Get it? Huh? Huh? Huh? You get it right? Don’t you? Sigh. No one ever understands the mind of a comic genius. Or me either for that matter 😛

I’ve always loved Scones. They are one of those things that I feel always need to be eaten wearing a fancy dress, big feathery hat and with ones picky sticking out as you drink English breakfast tea. I have to say, my husband and boys look great in a fancy dress and feathered hat. What?! They wanted the scones. I have rules! Conditions! Lots of emotional issues! Nobody forced them to wear the dresses. Well, not real force anyway. There were no weapons involved unless you count scones filled with ham, cheddar and dill as weapons. The sad part is that they all looked better in the clothes than I ever did. Something there is not right.

But seriously (I see you rolling your eyes at reading me say the word seriously. I can be serious sometimes!) I do love scones. But they have to be made a certain way. They have to be wedge shaped. None of the round ones for me. They have to be served with some sort of horribly decadent spread. Yeah, you’d never expect that last part from me huh? I’m just such the queen of healthful eating says the woman who ended up having a can of Hormel chili and Tostitos for dinner last night. and they have to be flaky. I can’t stand dense flat scones.

I started these with Ina Gartens Cheddar Dill scone recipe here On Food Network but changed them up quite a bit. I also made a oh so yummy caramelized onion cream cheese spread to go on them. The spread is good enough to just eat off of a spoon. Which I did. A  lot. Together, the scones and the spread give new meaning to “Bloody good old chap!”. Ok, so they are delicious. I just wanted to type something that was going through my mind in a British accent. We’ll get to my penchant for talking and thinking in foreign accents another time. I’ve traumatized you enough for now.

Ham, Cheddar & Dill Scones

  • 4 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 tablespoons baking powder
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 3/4 pound (3 sticks) cold unsalted butter, diced
  • 5 large eggs, beaten lightly
  • 1 cup cold heavy cream
  • 1 pound extra-sharp yellow Cheddar, grated
  • 8 ounces diced ham (you can use leftover or they have small packs of already diced in the packaged meats section of most stores. Also, make sure your ham has been patted dry with a paper towel or your dough will be too moist)
  • 2 tablespoons dried dill weed

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Combine 4 cups of flour, the baking powder, dill and salt in a large bowl. Add the butter and cut into the flour mixture with a pastry cutter until the butter is in pea sized crumbs. Stir in the cheese and the ham. Combine  well. Mix the eggs and heavy cream and quickly add them to the flour-and-butter mixture.  Mix until they are almost incorporated.

Dump the dough onto a well-floured surface and knead it for 1 minute, adding a bit more flour if needed to make a smooth cohesive dough. Divide dough in half and pat each half doen into a greased 9 inch cake pan. Score the tops of each dough round into 8 pieces. Bake at 400 for 20 to 25 minutes or until they are golden brown and cooked on the inside. Serve with butter or the “Omg, I love this” caramelized onion spread.

Caramelized Onion Cream Cheese Spread

  • 1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
  • 1 stick unsalted butter, softened
  • 2 small onions, cut into half moon slices
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons salt (or to taste)

Slice your onions in half then slice thinly into half rings. Add the olive oil to a  medium sauce pot. Over medium heat, add your onions to the pot. Stir to get all the onions covered in oil. Cover the pot and turn the heat down to low. Let the onions cook until wilted and soft, about 10 minutes.  Uncover the pot and turn your heat up to medium. Sprinkle the sugar over the onions and stir to combine. Stirring frequently to prevent burning, cook the onions until they are a nice golden brown color. This may take up to 20 minutes or so. Take them off the heat and let cool.

When the onions are cool, add your butter, cream cheese and salt to the pot with the onions (why mess up more dishes?). Beat well until mixture is creamy and well combined.  There ya have it… it’s done. The hardest part of it is cooking the onions.