Don’t Mess With My Hydrogenated Oils, Man!

 

I was feeling nostalgic today and remembering the good old days. You see, I’m an old fart compared to many of you. Quite possibly I could have been your mother. Oh my, I did NOT say that out loud did I? I was lying. I’m really only 29 and just have premature wrinkles and I color my hair gray on purpose. Ok, that’s a lie too. I really AM 46 (47 in August) but to my credit, I am a vampire who hates the sun (well, the hating the sun part is true anyway. I’m full of lies today ehh? πŸ˜› ) and I don’t have a whole lot of wrinkles. There’s my motherly advice for today. Take care of your skin. We won’t discuss the gray hair part. Let’s just say that I love the word Loreal and leave it at that.

Moving on… I say that a lot don’t I? Can’t imagine why. Moving on (see? I said it again. I wonder how many times I can fit those words into one post.)… I was feeling nostalgic for things that were a part of my long ago past. NO, not dinosaurs and stone tablets… don’t be smart! I was feeling nostalgic for beef fat. Now haven’t I told you before that your face is going to freeze like that? Stop it right now or I’ll give you something to make faces over!

Back in the day, when you went to someplace like say McDonalds and ordered fries they were cooked in beef fat. They were also delicious and it was very easy to eat 15 packages of them in five minutes. It was also very hard to get a hold of an ambulance when you had a heart attack before your arteries were clogged with beef fat. But as you died, you could lick your lips and say “my, that was yummy! MEDIC!”

They also had pies. Not that crap they sell now and call pies. These weren’t baked. They were deep fried in pure fat, mannnnn! And O…M…G… they were good. Te outside got all bubbly and crisp and the inside..well, the inside made it up to approximately 3000 degrees and many people had to have tongue transplants because of it. If you ever run into someone with out a tongue who is past a certain age, if they could talk and tell you, they’d say it was due to a fried pie.

Damnnnnnnn, did I wander today. But you’re used to that by now right? What was I saying? Oh yeah, moving on (giggles*), I LIKE my fats. I LIKE my hydrogenated oils. they may kill me, but I’ll die of eating crispy goodness like this fried pie. These are so simple and very tasty. they come from dear old (and she IS heading towards old πŸ˜› ) Paula Deen. I mean, it’s fried; you were expecting it to be from “Hungry Girl”? If Ms. Deen could have found a way to fit a few sticks of butter in this, I’m sure she would have. But barring that, she DID manage to stuff some pie crust with apples, sugar, cinnamon and butter and then deep fry it. I added the glaze to these myself because I wanted a glazed apple fritter effect. Try them. You must. For me and my nostalgia. Because you love me. πŸ˜€

Mini Fried Apple Pies

  • 1 4.5 to 5 ounce package dried apples
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 1/2 to 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 15 ounce package premade rolled pie crusts
  • 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil (more if needed to get an inch of oil in pot)
  • GLAZE-
  • 1 cup powdered sugar
  • enough apple juice to make a thin glaze
  1. Cook the apples in the water over medium low heat for about one hour or until water is cooked out and apples are tender.
  2. Add the butter, sugar and cinnamon and mix well. Let cool.
  3. Meanwhile, unroll your pie crust and using either a big biscuit cutter (or a glass like I did because my biggest biscuit cutter was still too small) cut rounds out of each pie crust. I got 7 from each with scraps that I was too lazy to reroll.
  4. Heat oil to 350.
  5. Place one tablespoon on each round. Moisten edge of the rounds with water then fold over to enclose filling. Seal well so they don’t pop open in the oil. Don’t ask me how I know that that can happen. I must have read it somewhere. Yeah, that’s it.
  6. Fry 3 to 4 pies at a time in the hot oil for about 2 minutes or until golden brown. Lay on a paper towel lines cookie sheet while you make glaze.
  7. Mix the powdered sugar with enough apple juice to make a thin glaze.Β  Dip each pie into the glaze and thoroughly coat it.
  8. Eat one. Then eat another. Then another. Erhmmm… moving on. HEH! I got it in one more time!


Livin’ La Vida De LimΓ³n

 

When my dad was alive, he loved anything Lemon flavored. I swear, I could have given him Lemon flavored liver (yes, I loved him even though he loved liver. We all have our flaws πŸ˜› ) and he would have eaten it, especially if I also covered it in a stick of butter and a pint of ice cream. My dad kinda loved his fats.

On the 23rd of this month, he will have been gone for five years. I still miss him. He was my best friend and my biggest fan when it came to my cooking. He would have loved the idea of this blog. So when I saw a jar of lemon curd in the cabinet that I had forgotten about (yes, I do that often) I thought of him. I will probably make something else in his honor many times but today, for him, it’s this easy lemon pie. If allowed, he would eaten all of it in one night lol. Ok, who am I kidding…. one hour and even if I protested. Did I mention he kinda loved the bad stuff? He was diabetic and one of his favorite things to say was that it was the Diabetes that made him want the sweets even more. Though my memory has the man eating a pound bag of Bridge Mix (I blame him for my bridge mix habit) way before he got Diabetes πŸ˜›

Dad, this ones for you. I Hope everyone else enjoys it too. It’s creamy and rich, sweet and tart; all in one bite.

WORLDS EASIEST LEMON CREAM PIE

  1. 1 graham cracker crust (homemade or store bought; either is fine.)
  2. 3 1/2 cups heavy cream, divided
  3. 1 12 ounce jar lemon curd (usually in either the baking aisle with the pie fillings or the jam section) or 1 1/2 cups homemade lemon curd
  4. 1 can sweetened condensed milk (NOT evaporated)
  5. zest and juice from one lemon
  6. 10 drops yellow food coloring (optional)
  7. 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  8. 1/2 cup powdered sugar
  • In a large bowl, whip 2 cups of the heavy cream until stiff peaks form. Add the sweetened condensed milk, lemon zest and juice, food coloring if using and the lemon curd. Beat mixture until well blended and thickened, about five minutes. The longer you beat, the fluffier the final mixture will be.
  • Spoon into your graham cracker crust; cover and refrigerate.Β  Chill for at least 3 hours, preferably overnight.
  • About ten minutes before serving, whip the remaining 1 1/2 cups cream with the powdered sugar and vanilla. Spoon or pipe over over the pie, leaving about an inch edge for the lemon filling to peek through.. Garnish with lemon slices, real or fake πŸ˜›

Wish you were here to enjoy this, dad