Back Away From The Asparagus & No One Will Get Hurt

Marinated Asparagus. The taste will "Stalk" you in your dreams. HA! I slay myself! (If you click on the photo, the dressing shows up better)

I was a weird kid. Yes, I know I’m also a weird adult but my point is that it started years ago. It was just a hobby then. Now I have it down to an art form. But moving on. I was a weird kid. I never turned up my nose at things like spinach, brussel sprouts or asparagus. On the contrary, I inhaled them. Which was great until the one time that asparagus spear got stuck up my nose upon inhaling…

What? You really expected me to make it through a paragraph without a bad one liner? You must be new to my blog.

But I really did love all of them. No inhaling involved *insert bad Bill Clinton joke here* Mind you, the spinach and asparagus I had a kid were always canned. Sad as it is, I didn’t have fresh of either until I was well into my 30’s. For the longest time, I preferred the canned versions because they were familiar. The fresh tasted funny to me. But they grew on me. No really. They did. Makes wearing a skirt interesting.

I’d lie and tell you that I’ll stop now but you’d know and I’d know that I was lying so why bother?

It was the dawning of the Age of Asparagus, age of asparagus

Ahem. Yeah. Again; moving on. Loved them, ate them, wore them. Ok, I think that catches us up now.

As an adult (if one wants to stretch the definition and call me an adult that is) I eat all of the above frequently. They were the only thing that made my short bout with vegetarianism bearable. 😀 I still love them canned ( Sparegrass and Spinach that is. Did ya ever notice that brussell sprouts can’t be canned? I looked that up once. Something about they would be pure mush and an unappetizing gray color) but fresh wins hands down. My favorite way for the sprouts and sparegrass is roasted or pan roasted if I don’t feel like turning the oven on. But I also enjoy trying new things with them when they are in season and inexpensive.

I saw this recipe for Marinated Asparagus in a store flyer we got in the mail. I immediately bought some asparagus to try it out. I wasn’t disappointed. This is awesome and would be, yet again, another good recipe (not to mention easy as all git out) for an Easter meal or any Spring meal/ It’s sweet and tangy and a little bit spicy from the red pepper flakes (you could probably omit those if heat averse but I have the feeling the end result would suffer)

So go find an asparagus sale. I assure you that somewhere near you, there is some on sale right now. It’s a big seller for Easter. Make this. Thank me later. Or just send me money or lots of fresh asparagus. Either way works.

Marinated Asparagus

  • 2 pounds fresh asparagus (sparegrass 😛 ), tough ends chopped off
  • 3/4 cup good olive oil (this is a main component of the flavor; use good oil)
  • 1 tablespoon sugar (I used a touch more cause I love that sweet/hot/tangy flavor)
  • 1/2 cup white balsamic vinegar
  • 4 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (I probably used about 2 teaspoons)
  1. Boil asparagus for three minutes or until crisp tender.
  2. Immediately plunge asparagus into an ice bath to stop cooking. Drain and arrange in a single layer in a 13×9 inch dish (or just a dish big enough to hold it. Who cares about technicalities?)
  3. Whisk together the rest of the ingredients until well blended.
  4. Pour over the asparagus.
  5. Cover and chill for about 6 to 8 hours. Drain before serving. Eat. Enjoy.

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.”

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

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26 thoughts on “Back Away From The Asparagus & No One Will Get Hurt

  1. Very entertaining…I didn’t learn to love veggies until I was an adult…and now “sparegrass” is one of my favorites! I’ve never tried it marinated – will do so post haste!

    • Same here. I love it roasted or boiled/steamed and in a quiche, yada yada yada but had never really branched out. This is a great pot luck/appetizer style dish and so darn easy!

    • Thanks Erin. You know me… anything for a laugh hehe. Definitely try this. The slight sweetness may be enough to get hubby and your son to try it.

  2. Ha-you crazy girl, this post made me laugh about the Age of Asparagus! Asparagus can be gross but it can be delicious, it is all in the preparation. This sounds pretty delicious and I know that it still has that fresh snap to it which I like my veggies to keep. Canned just isn’t the deal. I was never a veg eater when I was a kid, I put it under my plate instead of eating it. My poor mom would find smashed veggies once she started to clear the table. I always managed to not be around during the clearing of the table.

    • Tina, I am so glad I wasn’t the one trying to get you to eat veggies when you were a kid lol. You’d have driven me nuts. Now being your sister? That I could have handled. I’d have eaten all your veggies for you if you ate all my liver 😀

    • This is the dawning of the age of asparagus, age of asparagussssssss, asparagusssssss…. asparrrr…aaaa…gusssss

    • *Snorts* I’ll have to start bolding out all the bad jokes for you, Emily 😛

      And same here… they are so yummy in the Spring!

  3. I looooove asparagus. Love love love. I think if we were to compete for a batch of it, we would get hurt 😉
    Interesting! I love glazing mine, but I’ve never marinated it. On my to do list!

    • There would be no getting hurt involved, Kiri. I would win… I’m older, wiser and more deserving of the asparagus. So there.

  4. It must be something in the eating of veggies when young because Adam never turned down a green leafy anything as a kid – especially spinach and Brussels sprouts – and frankly, he’s kind of weird, too. ‘Nuff said. Asparagus – especially grilled with a little olive oil and lemon – is a favorite around here particularly in the outdoor months. we’ll have to give your marinade a try. How can you go wrong with a recipe from a flyer in the mail right?

    • Lol. Cheryl, the fact that it was a recipe in a mail flyer made me laugh. You just don’t expect to see anything decent in them and that actually was the only one of about 6 recipes in there that was good. The rest… shall I say… sucked.

      And yep; maybe there is something that eating veggies at a young age does to us… some genetic weirdness thing in them 😛

  5. Like you, I never had fresh asparagus until I was really grown up. I still like the canned or bottled ones but fresh ones just taste so good. Thanks for this bright idea of marinating them them. It sounds delicious!

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